Control is an Illusion - How That Can Give You Hope
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In this episode:
There has been a lot of talk about what life will look like post-COVID-19 lockdown. Recently, what has been most compelling to me about the future is how this experience will shape our relationship with control.
The COVID-19 pandemic has been eye-opening for everyone. It has certainly provided an excellent opportunity to evaluate our expectations for how life “should” go, and what the implications of not having that type of control are.
It’s my hope that this collective experience sparks an awakening in people. And that as individual people and as a society alike, we will stop letting fears and insecurities guide and govern our decision making. Rather, I hope to find that we become more intentional and at peace with how we choose to live our lives.
I’m excited to explore this topic with you today!
In this episode I share:
Why we’re obsessed with the idea of control, but it’s always an illusion
Why confronting the reality that life will always be uncertain is beneficial
How we can reevaluate what type of “normal” we go back to after COVID-19
Then, I’m answering a listener question from Talia about the most important skills to possess to be successful in a start-up technology company.
Control is an Illusion
Why we are obsessed with control, but it’s always an illusion
Whether you’d classify yourself as a “control freak” or not, we all love control. We want to be able to know what to expect, how things are going to work out and what the impacts on our lives will be.
Here and there we all encounter things in our lives that remind us that we aren’t in control. But then we turn around and are met with a solution to “regain control” of our lives, schedule, wallet, weight, etc.
Many of the things that are marketed as a way to regain control are actually really good things.
They typically help us be better people. Whether it’s via keeping a consistent schedule to manage our stress, eating a specific diet to maintain our health, or creating a budget to work ourselves out of debt, these are good things.
However, if you’ve ever tried one of these methods to control your behavior then I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences to my own. At some point, usually much sooner than I’d expect, I fall off the track.
Why? Because life is unpredictable. It’s uncontrollable.
It always has been, and it always will be.
Our lack of control over our health, jobs, finances and more was not caused by COVID-19. It was just exposed by it on a greater scale.
What’s unique about this time in life is that we are all experiencing this reality in a very upfront, intense manner at the same time. Everything about how we go about our daily lives has been affected by COVID-19.
Control really is an illusion.
The more open we are to accepting that truth and finding hope in it, the more resilient we will become.
Why confronting the reality that we always live in uncertainty is beneficial
I was talking with a client of mine this week and she mentioned how the impacts of COVID-19 had been so liberating for her. She was laid off from her job because of the virus, and said it was the best thing that’s happened to her in years.
She had been exhausted, stressed and unhappy in her work for a long time. She knew she wanted something different, but kept getting stuck trying to plan out all of the details to try and make things perfect before making a career move.
When COVID-19 started and she was laid off, it dawned on her that she would have stayed in that paralyzed position for who knows how long had this pandemic not happened.
I love how she phrased it to me. She said, “I could have never planned for something like this. There is no way I could have predicted COVID-19, and all the impacts it had. And it’s made me realize that that is true every single day. I don’t have control over the past, and I don’t have control over the future. All I have is right now and the decisions I make about how to live my life at this moment.”
She reached out and began working with me to pursue a career change because of this realization.
I saw it in her, and I’ve seen it in myself before, too--when we come to terms with the fact that we aren’t in control, we’re free to just be.
Being free to just be can look a lot of different ways at different times, I’ve found.
Sometimes it looks like choosing to rest and trust that you are enough.
Sometimes it looks like working hard and going after a goal because you know that you’re worth trying for it, and if it isn’t successful, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t successful.
Sometimes it means putting yourself out there and receiving criticism and critique in return, but being able to separate those words from your sense of self-worth.
Sometimes it means making a hard decision or sacrifice that you trust will serve you in the future.
I want to quell all of the anxieties about the future for you. I wish I could. But what is more beneficial is to provide helpful tools for you to thrive in reality.
The most true thing I know is that hope is what keeps us moving forward.
It is still important to be talking about the future of work and preparing for it because doing so is an act of hope. Things may look different now than they have, but there are a lot of positive things we can gain from this experience if we choose to let go of trying to control our circumstances and instead focus on being intentional about what we do have the opportunity to do right now.
How we can reevaluate what type of “normal” we go back to
Right now, lots of people are talking about how COVID-19 has given us all a chance to reevaluate our priorities and how we typically spend our time and resources.
It’s true! This has been a great time of reflection.
As things start to resume in daily life, we’ll all have the opportunity to decide what we add back into our lives, and what we decide to move forward without.
But here’s the key: the important lesson in this is not just that we have the choice now, but that we always had, and always will have the choice in the future.
We might not have control over what’s happening in the world around us, or what the future will bring, but we do have control over how we respond to it.
It’s my hope that this collective experience sparks an awakening in people. And that as individual people and as a society alike, we will stop letting fears and insecurities guide and govern our decision making. Rather, I hope to find that we become more intentional and at peace with how we choose to live our lives.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode, and what topics would be most beneficial to you during this season. Send me your thoughts, opinions and questions by going to jenniferspoelma.com/contact and sending me a message!
Weekly Listener Question
This week’s listener question is from Talia. She asked:
“I know you have personal experience working at startup companies in the tech industry. I’ve been wanting to make a career move into that industry for a while, and now seems like the perfect opportunity. I currently work as a Program Manager for a nonprofit.
I feel pretty confident in the skills I bring to the table, but I don’t know what is valued or essential to thrive in a more fast-paced tech environment. Can you please give me some pointers?”
Hi Talia, thanks for reaching out!
I think the last thing you said is pretty key to my answer here. Tech companies, particularly startups, are generally very fast-paced. Not just in the sense that you will likely be very busy, but also that the work will be constantly changing.
New technologies will become available that the company will need to adapt to, the industry will evolve, and things will break.
That being said, flexibility and a desire to learn and grow are essential. If you find you get easily frustrated or discouraged with changing priorities and direction, then that will be a pretty big learning curve for you in the startup world.
Self-motivation is also a key characteristic to possess, and something that hiring managers will be looking for. Startups and tech companies need to be innovative to sustain themselves. If you have the self-motivation to overcome obstacles and find a path forward, you will stand out.
Finally, I’d say problem-solving is a key skill. As I mentioned, things change and break in the tech world frequently. If you have the attention-to-detail to notice when a problem exists, and the critical thinking skills to solve it, you will be a major asset to your team!
I hope these ideas help you find a great fit in your next role.
Thanks so much for your question, Talia!
If you have a career coaching question you want answered, you can go to: jenniferspoelma.com/contact and use the form there to send me your question!
